Bikes... those things are DANGEROUS!

This past weekend, I went mountain biking for the first time of the season. I have a great mountain bike, but I just don't find myself off road very often.

J took me to Battle Creek park, as it had been quite awhile since he had been there on two wheels. I've never been on these trails, on one wheel or two. While I have biked Lebanon Hills, I was already quite familiar with that course before hitting it with that pesky second wheel. I didn't have that going for me at Battle Creek. There were several times when I very seriously thought I would very seriously injure myself. At times, I saw my future flash before my eyes, a future complete with my arm in a sling, gashes across my face, and twigs in my hair.

It all comes down to the fact that those two-wheeled things are dangerous! And really scary!
Bikes go FAST! I'm talking so-fast-the-wind-tears-your-eyes-preventing-you-from-seeing-that-tree-you-just-hit-head-on fast.
Yeah, they have brakes, but those things can only do so much before you get catapoulted over the handlebars.
You not only have to control a wheel in front of you, but a wheel behind you, too. And, these two wheels often want to go two different places.
And, that wheel behind you will fishtail! Which, I'm told, is much better than the wheel in front of you fishtailing.
When you fall, you don't land on your feet. Your feet are too busy being tangled with the rest of the bike.
You can't bail. See above comment about feet tangling with the bike.
Walking a bike down a hill too steep to ride is just as dangerous as actually riding it. At least if you rode down the steep hill, you wouldn't see the tree up ahead that you know you're going to hit. There really is something nice about not knowing you're on an inevitable course towards a painful injury... in this case, ignorance really is bliss!

I started the ride full of confidence. If I can MUni*, how hard can mountain biking be? I ended the ride with my knees knocking together, teeth chattering, and fingernails bitten to the quick. Yes, I exaggerate, but not much.

The next time I find myself doing some off-road cycling, I'm choosing my MUni. When I inevitably encounter a mountain biker who questions my sanity, I'm going to laugh right in their face and call THEM crazy!

*For those in need of a most basic definition, refer to wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mountain_unicycle